Welcome 2015 by Focusing on Yourself

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Another year passes, and another one begins.  As the coming 365+ days approach, many of you will do the same things you did in 2014.  Some of you will change it up.  Some of you will progress, and some of you will regress.

My favorite part of being the toughest, no-nonsense life & relationship coach out there is that I get to refrain from padding your egos with bullshit.  I don’t do daily/weekly blog updates telling you to smile and it’ll get better.  I don’t tell you that you will all succeed no matter what life throws at you, because I simply believe in you, and you need to believe in you.  I don’t hesitate in telling you that the Law of Attraction movement which peaked a few years back reminded me of nothing more worthwhile than a freakish cult that siphoned collective funds to the very top.

The reality of the situation, the CHT (cold, hard truth) is that despite the fun I make of both conventional psychotherapy and unconventional coaching out there alike, there are some that would benefit from one or both realms.  Yes, many reading this may benefit from psychotherapy, and many may benefit from coaching.  Even coaching done by others, not by me (something else that differentiates me from others out there – I can actually admit this without fear).    The sad truth, however, if you ask me to be really open and blunt, is that many would not benefit much from their sessions with most psychotherapists or most coaches.  Even with myself.  You see, while we all have different methods and philosophies, we don’t actually make the changes in your life.  You must speak, you must move, you must take action, you must persevere, you must have tenacity,you must laugh off fear and you must wake up and do the whole thing again the next day.  We simply try to reach you the best with a path we suggest, or come up with you.   Find any other shrink/coach/holistic practitioner out there, by the way,willing to admit that their methods won’t work for many.  Law of averages people, everyone has different learning capacities, and wherewithal.

I do believe in my methods and philosophies, and of course believe they provide a unique value and basically are better than most all out there.  I have to believe that, because I wouldn’t bother publishing the books I have over the years.  Others honestly don’t believe the same as to their own works, be it books, coaching, sessions, workshops.  Many believe they are better marketers than others.  Many believe that there is blood in the water in this realm, especially in matters of dating, attraction, seduction, etc.  And, understandably, they want their piece of it.  Many market the hell out of themselves, focusing more on public appearances than product effectiveness.  And it works for them.

Let me scare the hell out of them now by telling you that I don’t want you starting January, 2015 buying anything significant.  Imagine as the greedy eagerly anticipate those who make the New Years resolutions, those who are desperate for love before Valentines Day, those who are lost in general to buy, buy, buy but instead you turn your backs.  Don’t give anyone a dollar unnecessarily.  It starts with you.  Yes, I just released a book called The Masculine Mind, and of course I want as many people to buy it as possible.  I don’t care if you don’t buy it in January.   I’m not worried about shoving it in people’s hands tomorrow.  It will sell on its own down the road.  Focus on yourself in January, not the newest book, product, seminar, etc.

As the new year kicks off, you can continue your patterns of complaining that you can’t meet anyone, and that the people you do meet aren’t that great.  You can continue going on Match.com or the corner bar, and you can continue telling people that you’re not that interested in a relationship right now as you’re really enjoying travelling with your friends and having drinks 3 nights a week.  You can continue putting all your spare energy into yoga, into poker, into video games, into whatever isolationist relaxation you need so badly because you work literally 14 hours per day (yes, sarcasm, you really don’t), or  you can focus on yourself.  Make the changes.  Try all funnels.  Go to one or two singles events/speed-dating things/meetups about town every month.  Talk to people and be open at night when you’re out and about.  Talk to people (gasp!) in the day-time.  Don’t worry, they won’t bite, unless you can turn day-time into night-time.  Be open.  Stop with the “he’s gotta be 6 foot tall” and “she’s not as hot as my ex.”  Recognize your true sexual market value, as the single 25/30/35/40/45/50+ person you truly are.  What do YOU bring to the table.  How badly do people want to be with YOU?  And not just your dopey ex.  Speaking of, stop it.  Short of sharing a child with someone, move forward, not backwards.  It didn’t work, and it won’t work.  Will you be more valuable in the dating market in 5 years, in 10 years if you remain single or will you start feeling ignored as the throngs of younger, more fit, more attractive singles invade.

Remember being 20 and wondering why there were so many “old” people in their 40’s out at the same spots you went to?  Have you become that person?  40 is 40, it’s not the new 30.  30 is 30, 50 is 50, and 20 is 20.  Let’s be real here.  Is your picky behavior/the false illusions in your mind leaving you waiting, really thinking that the supermodel that is sweet and cooks and no drama, the tall, dark, handsome stud that makes great money and loves to dance is around the corner?  Is your own false sense of reality leaving you sleeping alone most nights instead of appreciating the right aspects of someone?  Are you glossing over their kindness, their empathy, their communication abilities, and focusing on how interesting they are and how much they intrigue you, how much they capture your attention and imagination?  The thing about imagination is that it is imagined.  It’s 2015.  Focus on you, and make the changes you need to make to your mindset to get what you really want for fulfilling happiness.

As the New Year kicks off, how many people go visit a gym for the first time in months, proudly claiming that this, this is the year that they’re going to get in shape.  Life isn’t about physical beauty, but physical beauty has direct correlations to career advancement, to personal fulfillment, to self-confidence, and more.  Physical beauty is not something to look down upon, it’s only when it’s not coupled with inner beauty, peace of mind and emotional intelligence that it becomes a problem.   Vanity aside, your health is the most important thing in your life, bar none.  Without health, wealth is useless.  Wealth helps you live better and provides more options in medical care yes, but when you are bedridden, you are missing out on so much of life that you wish you could experience.  How many of you spend time focusing on the action, the action of hiring personal trainers and counting calories and coming up with excuses when it doesn’t work out?  The weather sucked today, work was tough today, too many family members need too many things today.  While many stay up late and then sleep until the very possible last minute, there are those who have embraced an achievement-oriented mindset who go to bed at a reasonable time and wake up early (5am, 6am, etc.) and come hell or high water, they get a 30-60 minute work out in, followed by a protein shake or an omelette or something nutritious and they go OWN the day to come, not flounder about and get kicked around letting their brooding temporarily feel the high of a shitty $4 full-of-garbage latte before they go put their 8-hours in.  Eating clean is hard, and takes too long to cook a healthy meal you say?  Throw an organic chicken breast in the oven with some lemon pepper seasoning on it, or a piece of wild salmon, leave it alone for roughly 30-45 minutes depending on your tastes, if it was frozen, temperature of oven, etc., and come back right before it’s done and throw some spinach and mushrooms in a pan for 5 minutes, dousing with olive oil and black pepper.  Total prep time, including washing dishes, less than 10 minutes.  TEN minutes for a nutritious meal.  The oven is doing the cooking.  You are not.  Go relax, go take a shower, make a phone call, connect with someone, watch TV if you have to.  Ten minutes for a great meal. Eating healthy too expensive?  Go to Trader Joe’s or similar instead of Whole Foods, negligible cost difference between organic meats and crappy factory-farmed stuff full of stuff you don’t want in your body.  Forget about what others do, forget about cookbooks, forget about meal delivery services, and focus on you.  This isn’t that hard.  Exercise most days during the week.  Eat healthy at least six days per week.  Your body is what you put into it.  Do it for a while and your tastes change.  I have zero desire for fast food, fried food, sugars, sweets, or processed junk after eating clean for the better part of a decade+.  Try it for a while, and you may just surprise yourself as well.

Most of all, this year, stop paying attention to the noise. Forget about social media, forget about the newest craze, gimmick or trend.  Focus on you.  Focus on your body telling you what’s good for it.  Focus on your gut telling you what situations to step away from.  Remove the toxins from your life:  toxic substances, food and people.   Try it, and see where we’re at come 2016!

Happy New Year-

Dylan Thrasher
Life & Relationship Coach

– with a post this intense and involved, don’t expect another one for a while!

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